Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Life Revisited

This last month has been crazy.  Literally.  Finding myself in a slump... a dumpy place with no motivation to move, much less be a mommy.  Ever have those moments?  Well... welcome.  Life used to be so orderly, so scheduled.  But lately, in the words of my favorite blogger, Ann Voskamp, "I've traded perfection for a good dose of real."

I wondered so many times what in the world was happening to me?  Sure, WJ has a new schedule to which we have all taken longer to adjust.  But where did my 'drive' go?  Where did my passion for teaching, cooking and fitness go?  Just 2 months ago, I was so gung-ho!  Now, nothing.

I still don't have all the answers to this.  But I do know that God has shown me many things about myself and I'm realizing one major thing.  I AM NORMAL.  Never thought this before.  I'm always too hard on 'me'.  Too critical of my daily function.  I guess, since the creator of the universe already knew this, it was time for the big reveal.  And boy I am getting it.  I'm sure most of you reading this are smirking just a little.  If you are close to me then you knew this lesson was coming.  

I do not fault myself for wanting order in my home or a schedule that keeps me sane.  Some thrive on this.  Some hate it.  What I am learning is balance.  On days when reality collides with my mentally perfect world, I now know that I can survive it.  Its ok if the floors don't get swept, if the dishes are still in the dirty side of the sink when I wake up (ok, maybe only one or two nights a week!) The point is, life is about what we do, not how it looks.  I'm done with surface perfection.  This does not guarantee peace or happiness.

I am learning the seasons of motherhood, womanhood and wilderness.  And while this post may make no sense to anyone else, that is the beauty of it all.  

Life revisited from a 'normal' perspective.  My kids are safe.  They are fed and clean before bedtime (most nights).  I have simplified homeschool and we are on a much slower pace.  

Simplicity and balance.  This is my focus for the coming months. 
We will survive.  By grace and HOPE.  

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